The Black Swan Theory
by pedosmile
Summary: axel/roxas When Roxas had threatened him with going to the police, the man only smiled, an amused laughter bubbling in his throat.“Why would you want to tell anyone, Roxy-boy? Would you want everyone to know that you stayed with the man who raped you?"


**Black Swan Theory**

**Dedicated to:** Contance Greene for a belated birthday gift. Sorry it's so late!  
**General Warning: **Contains coarse language, hints of rape and abuse, yaoi, etc.

**Pairing:** Akuroku

A big, big thank you to my friend Blau for sitting through my random rants and brainstorms, for helping me, and for giving me the name of this fic. :

+

The class of sophomores chatted loudly, their bright voices shattering any sort of silence the now missing teacher had in the room. Once Mrs. Wynne had left, the pupils peered around then snatched at their chance to catch up on the latest gossip before lunch rolled around. One student in particular, however, remained oblivious to his classmates, his eyes focusing on his desk. To everyone around him, this behavior was nothing new. He had been like this for three months and any hope any of his friends had for him was given up long ago. He never spoke, never said a word to anyone, and half the time he was barely even in school. When he was, however, he sat in the back of each and every class and stared down at his desk, as if it held some sort of interest for the boy. His teachers did not bother him, most ignored his presence like the students would, and they would hand him homework, but, of course, it was never done.

This personality change was quite an abrupt turn around. The boy used to be bright, charming, and popular. He was intellectual and always pleased his teachers and peers. He was full of life and laughter, he was someone everyone wanted to be around. His smile could have brightened up anyone's day. And then, one day, he didn't show up for school. For three weeks he was gone, and when he came back, he was terribly different. His sapphire eyes, once sparkling with laughter, were now brimming with hidden pain. His smile, one that he had flashed often, never made an appearance on his sallow, blank face. He was listless and lifeless. When he moved, he moved carefully, as if he were afraid to touch things and he never looked anyone in the eye.

His friends had tried to get an explanation out of him. Where had he gone? What happened to him? Why had he ignored their calls? But he would only stare at them, his face carefully void of any emotion. They would never understand. They couldn't even begin to fathom the horrors he was living through.

Their Roxas, the one they had grown up with, had died. This was the new Roxas. No longer was he filled with cotton candy dreams and butterfly kisses. No longer did he participate in the childish activities his classmates continued with. He once craved to be an adult, to get the taste of what life would be like outside of his sheltered hometown. How he vainly wished to be apart of an older crowd, to be more popular than he all ready was.

Now he wished he could go back to the innocent young boy he once was. The one he had dreams about, the one he cried over at night. In silence, he would mourn over his stolen youth and innocence. He would constantly pick at himself and try to unlock the mystery that was _him_. The man who had stolen everything Roxas once was. The man with absinthe eyes, just as intoxicating and just as deadly, with a smile that could match a wicked Cheshire Cat. The one that was always with him, even in his nightmares.

He twitched at the thought of the man and closed his eyes, willing his face out of his mind. Axel. Axel. _Axel._ His mind taunted him. It pulled up memories of that night and he felt his hands curl tightly, his jaw setting against the scream that itched at the back of his throat. He squeezed his eyes tightly, willing the image of the tall, thin red head out of his mind but could not wash him away. He would forever haunt the young boys mind. He had stained Roxas. He could never become clean of that horrible man. For as long as he lived, Axel owned him. And that's just how the man wanted it.

Axel had graduated a year ago from the same high school Roxas went too. They had managed to bump into each other in the middle of Roxas's freshman year.

_"Careful, freshman,"_ The upperclassmen had said, spitting the last word as if it were an insult. _"If you don't watch where you're going, you could have a problem on your hands." _He chuckled, a smile slowly stretching across his face. A smile that should have been a warning, though Roxas was oblivious to it.. He walked off, smirking as he did so and Roxas watched, before scowling to himself and thinking, _What a prick. Upperclassmen think they own this place. _He went on his way, thinking nothing of their encounter.

Besides, what was he going to do to him? He didn't seem that dangerous. He would be graduating in two months and wouldn't even bother Roxas again.

That thought made his lips twitch in a bitter smile. Of course he would have thought that. His old self was too stupid to recognize the danger that was screaming directly into his face. Before he could delve deeper into his thoughts and relive the horror of his "first time", a tiny vibration sent a jolt of shock down his leg and shook him awake. His eyes fluttered open and he blinked as he came back to the present, where his classmates sat around him, continuing to chat loudly. He slowly gazed around for a teacher, his eyes making the subtle movement, nothing else, before he quietly pulled out his cell phone and flipped it open.

_Roxy-baby_, the text began, _come outside after the bell rings. It's such a nice day out, dontcha think? Why should it be wasted indoors?_ He could almost hear the chuckle. He flipped the phone shut and shoved it back in his pocket, eyes flickering up towards the clock. One more minute until the bell rang. His stomach clenched tightly, though he should have been used to this by now, as he tried to think of what _he_ wanted. He could only imagine.

As the bell rang, he slowly pulled himself to his feet and shuffled out of the room once it was empty, squeezing himself through the crowded hall, doing his best not to be touched. He hated it when strangers touched him. Long ago, he didn't mind it.. But when.. He fought to shake his head as his mind attempted to wander back into the past once more. He would not think about it. Not now. Not with so many people around.

He shouldered his way down the science hallway, up a flight of stairs, and finally broke free of the crowd as he escaped through the doorway, where he gasped at the fresh air. He despised people now, especially younger people. The way they constantly had to touch and feel and poke and probe. He shuddered and wrapped his arms around his chest tightly, feet thudding gently against the pavement as he entered the parking lot.

He could see the vintage Mustang, a shiny black, and it's owner leaning across the door casually. He wore black jeans and a grey shirt with some band logo on it, his outfit accenting his hidden wiry, muscles that lay beneath the clothing. His mane of blood red hair was, as usual, in disarray. The students who were passing by on their way to and from the math building gazed at the man in wonder, especially the girls. The eyed him appreciatively and the whispers flew through the air, along with high-pitched giggles. Axel winked at one of the younger girls and Roxas watched as she giggled furiously, her cheeks turning a bright pink. If only they knew…

No one would now, however. And that's the way Axel wanted it. When Roxas had threatened him with going to the police, the man only smiled, an amused laughter bubbling in his throat.

_"Why would you want to tell anyone, Roxy-boy?"_ he had asked casually, bringing an unlit cigarette to his lips. _"Do you think that would be a smart idea, squirt? To let your business be out in the open? Your case would hit news stations nation wide. Maybe even world wide. And then everyone would know our little secret. Everyone. And you'd be known as the little fuck-monkey who stayed with the man who raped him. Why do you stay, Roxas? If you hate it so much?"_ his brows had settled over his green eyes with a dark satisfaction as Roxas stared at him, his lips pressed into a thin line as he paled completely. His fists had curled, trying to calm the terrible shaking that racked his thin body. Axel laughed and took a deep drag of his cigarette, looking away from him as something on the television caught his attention.

Ever since that day, he no longer threatened Axel of going to the police. He was afraid.. Afraid of what people would think of him, of what they would find out… Rumors were all ready flying and if they were confirmed…. He blocked the painful thoughts with a sharp shake of his head.

He stopped short as he felt Axel's sharp green eyes slowly roaming up his body, taking in every crevice and miniscule curve that was Roxas. He held back a shudder and pushed himself to continue toward the car, keeping his eyes on his shoes as he did so. He vainly tried to focus on how they were red Converse high tops and were beginning to fade.. He tried to notice the green grass as it crunched freshly under foot, the dew as it stained his shoes. But the green reminded him on Axel's eyes. The dew that darkened on his shoes reminded him of little blood droplet's. He glanced up uneasily at the man and his car once he arrived before staring at his sullen reflection in the shiny door.

He rarely ever looked in a mirror.. He was disgusted of the boy that looked back. Ashamed of what he had become. As he peered into the door, a thin boy with large, broken eyes that sat above sunken in cheeks. His face was blank though, the gash that was his mouth, was pursed slightly. He looked away at a tree to his right, trying to hide the scowl that had managed to make an appearance on his constant void of a face.

"Have a nice time?" Axel teased. Roxas didn't reply and instead pulled open the door, plopping down in the passengers seat. Once the door was slammed shut, he safely put on his seatbelt and crossed his arms tightly over his chest, looking out his window. Axel slid languidly into his seat, shutting the door but not bothering with his own seatbelt. He revved his engine, smiling at it's growl, before squealing out of the parking lot.

"Yanno, I dunno why you even bother with school if you don't do shit there," Axel began, rolling his eyes as he looked over at his pet briefly. "You'd be better off staying home." the younger boy continued staring out the window, struggling against another scowl that threatened to consume his emotionless façade. He had long ago given up retorts. To snap back only meant more pain for him in the long run. In fact, Roxas had given up talking all together. Only every now and then, when Axel forced him to, did he speak. He would only give soft grunts of reply and that was only when he was feeling up to it.

"You not gonna talk to me?" Axel began, his tone taunting, like an adult making fun of a child just to make them more riled up. "Whatsa matter, Roxy-baby? You used to talk to me all the time. You liked to scream too." he reached out and stroked the younger boys cheek, his thin fingers brushing against Roxas's soft, pale skin before the boy jerked away. His sapphire eyes darkened with a glare as they shifted away from the older man, content on leering out the window.

"Ooh," the red head laughed. "Scary." as his dark laughs continued to pour out of his mouth in dizzying successions, Roxas cringed and resisted the temptation to hold his ears. That laughter often brought on the memories. Memories of sinister chuckles in the dark room. He could see it, Axel's spider-like body framed in the pale moon light that peeked through the window, the grin that stretched slowly across his face as the laughter continued to dance venomously in his eyes. Roxas held his head back, letting it rest against the cushioned seat, as if he were becoming nauseated, and closed his eyes against the horrid scene that played and replayed often in his mind. Only when the laughter had died down did his eyes flutter open once more to find Axel smirking at him. He quickly averted his gaze to the scenery, attempting to make out the blurs. They were more green than grey, he noticed, and he could help but feel a swell of panic rise in his chest.

Where were they going? He stole a glance up to the older man, who was now humming and letting a cigarette hang loosely in between his lips, before looking away. The smoke danced in the sunlight and tickled his nose tauntingly, making him feel as if he needed to sneeze. He resisted, however, by wrinkling his nose and clenching his teeth together. He hated the way Axel has to constantly smoke, the way he always did it around Roxas. It was as if he knew the young boy hated the way it smelled.. He let his jaw loosen and he resisted a sigh.

After a few moments of silence, he began to feel drowsy. He hadn't had a good sleep in so, so long. He missed the way he was once able to fall asleep so easily, no matter what happened to be going on. He listened to the low murmur of the music and soft hum of the engine, feeling it slowly lull him to sleep. He let his head rest against the window, eyes becoming half-lidded as he continued to gaze out at the scenery. He could see, out of the corner of his eye, Axel glance over him but he didn't care.

"Is ickle Roxy-kins sleepy?" he sneered. "Wake up, _blue-buttons_, we're almost to our destination." Roxas barely even stirred. Axel sighed loudly out of agitation and took the cigarette out from between his lips and pressed the cherry-red tip into Roxas's hand. He chuckled as his pet abruptly sat up straight, hand fluttering to his mouth, where he blew on the burn gently, small whimpers of pain rising then quelling in his throat. He forced himself to swallow them back, not wanting to give Axel the satisfaction of seeing that he had actually hurt the boy. But, somehow, he knew.

"Aw, did I hurt you, bb?" he asked, seeming sincere enough though the blonde knew better. "You should have woke up like I said." Roxas just glared down at his lap, lips sucking gently at the wound, though it did nothing to soothe the burning pain. His eyes focused on a large field that was empty save for the long grass that gently swayed in the wind and he gave a small, bewildered grunt as Axel began to slow down. What could he possibly want to do in a field..? But just as soon as he thought that, the immediate answer came. He knew what sick and twisted things Axel liked to do in his spare time, the fantasies he dreamt up and made come true. He squeezed himself back against his seat, as if it could protect him, and took deep breaths through his nose. The panic was tightening and forming a hard ball of spikes in his chest, making every breath he took feel as if he were trying to breathe underwater.

He could never grow used to this, no matter how many times they went through it. He could not allow himself to become accustomed to the monster and the horrible nightmares he brought with him.

"I've always wanted to do it in a field," Axel stated absently, flicking the cigarette out the open door before stepping out, grinding the cancerous stick into the dust of the road. He draped his arms over the hood of the car casually, leaning in so he could look at Roxas.

"You coming, Roxy-baby?" he inquired slowly, his cat-green eyes seeming to glow though it was hardly noon. He watched as the younger boy quivered, struggling with himself to keep his composure. He reached out a shaky hand to unbuckle the seat belt then pulled away from it, as if he weren't sure. Axel growled, growing tired of waiting, and Roxas shivered and hastily unfastened the safety belt.

"That's a good boy," the corners of Axel's lips curled into an acidic smile. "Now, get out of the car so we can have some fun."

Roxas swallowed and slowly stepped out of the car, shutting the door noiselessly behind him before he shuffled around to the drivers said, where the man waited impatiently. He kept his eyes on the ground as he did so, not wanting to see his surroundings, knowing that he'd commit it to memory without meaning to. It would come back to haunt him in his dreams, as it did every other time, it was always the same. He repressed a shudder as Axel's thin fingers curled around the back of his neck lightly and he felt himself being led into the sea of grass. The jungle where the wild things were and took witness the things that went on within the hidden confines of their domain.

He vaguely wondered how many people had been lost their lives in this field, how many had been reborn. He continued to shuffle, picking his way through the grass carefully, afraid to leave any sort of foot prints, as Axel led him to a small nest. It almost looked as if someone else had been there. The grass was broken and rumpled and the circle was large enough for two people, perhaps three.

"Seems like this is a popular spot to screw," Axel snickered and Roxas shivered gently. He could feel the spring sun beat down against him, and all though it was still too early for any sort of heat, he could feel the sweat began to trickle down from his back. Even when the gentle breeze kissed his skin, he continued to sweat out the fear that made him stock still.

"Don't be such a stiff," the older boy complained. "Come on, loosen up, blue-buttons. Maybe if you play nice, I won't be so rough." he saw the blonde glance up at him from beneath his lashes then look away, biting his lower lip. He had no choice, he knew. His clothes would either be ripped off by force or taken off by himself. His trembling fingers began to lift up his shirt then cast it aside carefully, shuddering as he became visible once more to the constantly prying eyes of the older man.

"Aw, such a good pet I have," Axel laughed, eyes lighting up with wicked amusement as he reached out to ruffle Roxas's hair. Roxas continued to gaze down at the ground as he pulled his belt off his too-big khaki pants then began unbuttoning them. His ears pricked as he heard the familiar unzipping of Axel's pants and he felt himself being pressed to the spidery body, felt his face forcefully being lifted to look at the wickedly grinning face that blocked out the sun. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, bracing himself for what was to come…

--

Roxas lay in the rumpled grass that stuck to his body, which shined with sweat in the golden rays of the afternoon sun. His hands lay uncomfortably above him, bound with the cool metal of the handcuffs that continued to bite into his skin with every subtle shift he made. He had new wounds to add to the collections of scars and aches, new and old, to bother him for the next few days. He could feel the salty sweat seep into the abrasions, causing them to flare with agitation though he hardly even noticed. He tore his eyes away from the sky and peered over at the sleeping man beside him. The red head slept with a content look on his usually smug features, hair some how flatter - if it were possible - from the sweat that was also covering his own body in a nice sheen. His chest rose then fell slowly, his breaths coming out in calm, quiet successions. Even asleep, he still posed a threat to Roxas. He tore his gaze away from the man and fixed his eyes onto the glorious blue sky once more, letting his mind drift.

He wondered silently when they would leave, or if someone would find them, but he highly doubted any one would even wander out here. They were out in the middle of no where or "bum fuck no where" as Axel would so tastefully put it. This grass was untouched because no one even ventured out here to trim it. This place was most likely used for the same purposes they had just used it for. Though, nothing would have been forced, he figured.

He quietly began to fathom how his life had spiraled downward into the dark abyss he now lived in. His mind was instantly drawing to the night that everything had changed and he closed his eyes, willing the image out of his mind though he knew it would not leave. But, for a brief moment, the sun had blotted it out as it beat blood red images onto his lids. And then, as his mind began to fade, so did the sunlight. The image was sharp and clear in his mind once more.

The thin, wraith-like figure stood in front of the open window, the one he had forgotten to close, outlined by the soft silver of the moonlight. Roxas had awoken to a soft scratching noise and when he finally stirred himself out of his slumber, this is the scene he had woken up to. For a half a beat, he thought it he was still dreaming, then it all came crashing down on him as the dark, rich laughter spilled forth from the standing figure.

_"It's about time you woke up."_ he had said and instantly, Roxas recognized the voice. Axel. He mouthed the name quietly, unable to speak it aloud. He scuttled back, pressing himself against the head board as the dark figure descended.

_"Wh-what are y-you doing here?" _he stuttered, his mouth and throat both feeling incredibly dry.

_"'Wh-what are y-you doing here?'" _Axel mimicked, pitching his voice higher, making Roxas sound incredibly childish and whiny. _"Didn't your mother ever teach you to speak properly?" _When Roxas did not respond, Axel smiled deviously.

_"I just decided to drop by to, yanno, check on my favorite freshman. Or, you're a sophomore now, aren't you? All riiiight, look who's finally moving up in the world," _he laughed, the same dark chuckle as before, and Roxas felt him shudder. This was not a good sign. Not at all. He glanced over at his nightstand and felt a swell of panic and anxiety tighten his chest. Where was his phone? He had set it there before drifting off to sleep and now it was gone.

_"Looking for this?"_ Axel quizzed, holding up the shiny cell phone for the other boy to see. _"Sorry. I couldn't have any one interrupt us now could I?" _Roxas stared at the object, eyes wide with fear and disbelief before shifting his gaze onto the red-headed man. His absinthe green eyes seemed to glow in the inky blackness that swallowed the room and they danced with danger. He shifted and closed the space between himself and the bed, chucking the phone away as if it were a useless piece of litter. Roxas heard it crash to the ground and the sound caused him to start and slam back against the headboard. He whimpered quietly and Axel smiled.

_"Careful there," _his voice was mocking. _"Don't want you to get injured before all the _fun_." _The way the last word was said made a shiver run down Roxas's spine. His mouth was hot and dry and his tongue felt as if it were swelling. A spasm of fear shot through his stomach and he felt it clench on reflex. He pushed himself closer to the headboard as Axel began to crawl up the bed, looking much like a lion would when stalking it's pray. He was smiling, however, a smile that could chill anyone to the bone.

_"S-stop!"_ Roxas managed to let the words stumble past his lips as he tongue seemed to pry itself loose from the roof of his mouth for just a moment, _"H-help! Help me!" _his voice cracked in mid scream and failed him. It was a pitiful cry and he was sure no one would have heard him, even though he vainly wished someone would just happen to walk by.

_"That's not going to help you," _Axel tutted, rolling his eyes at the boys pathetic attempt to squirm away from him. He reached out and grabbed the blonde's thin wrists, his grip tight and controlled. Roxas let out a small gasp of pain at the bruising pressure Axel exerted.

_"Stop squirming so much,"_ his captor's hot breath tickled his ear and he squirmed even harder until he felt a sharp blow from a bony knee into his groin. He gasped and squeezed his watering eyes shut, catching a glimpse of red just before he did so.

_"Much better," _Axel purred. _"Where are your parents anyways?" _Roxas didn't respond. His parents has divorced long ago and he lived with his mother, who was often away on business trips of some sort. A bitter thought flitted through his struggling brain for just a moment and he let out a small breath through his nose. How convenient it was for Axel to just come waltzing into his home unnoticed and take Roxas for his own.

_"Oh well," _Axel laughed. _"All the better for me, yeah?" _his lips were on Roxas's neck now, his teeth grazing his soft skin beneath his chin curiously before biting down forcefully. Roxas let out a strangled yelp of pain and writhed beneath the man, the fresh scent of his blood staining the air.

"Hey, blue buttons, wake up," someone was nudging his side and not so lightly. "I said wake up! Rise and fucking shine, Roxas!!" a foot collided with his ribs and Roxas jerked away, gasping loudly as he sat up, gazing around wildly before his eyes landed on the man who was just invading his nightmares. He blinked then looked down at his hands, which were gripping the grass tightly. Tell-tale markings of the cuffs had reddened his wrists and made them ache dully.

"Get dressed, it's time to go," Axel threw the clothes and Roxas, who didn't bother to catch them. He continued staring down at the ground as he felt Axel's gaze, heavy and cool, on him. Finally, he pushed himself to his feet and pulled on his rumpled clothing carefully, feeling his pants stick to his thighs uncomfortably. Axel ran his hands through his hair to muss it up even more before smirking down at Roxas, who avoided looking at him directly.

"Come on, let's go get a bite to eat, I'm freaking starving," he started off back the way they came, Roxas following behind meekly. "I could go for some onion rings. Mmm. And a shake." he continued to speak as if Roxas was listening and cared.

"What about you, Roxy-baby?" he quizzed, smirking as he shot a glance back at the mute boy, who just looked at him with his usual blank face. His beautiful blue orbs, however, where darkened with anger and malice and this caused a wicked laugh to escape Axel's lips. As he continued to grin at the boy, his hand reached out with lightning speed and gripped Roxas's chin tightly, his bony fingers digging into his soft, plump cheeks.

"Don't look at me like that," he growled. "You know it pisses me off. Keep it up, bb, and I'll just have to pop those beautiful blue buttons out of your head. Then you won't be able to look at me like that, huh?" he shoved the tiny blonde against the car with brute force before his fingers disappeared into his pocket for a cigarette. He pulled out the thin white cancer stick and let it rest between his lips as he watched Roxas scramble to the other side of the car. Once safely away from the dreaded man, he leaned against the car as Axel searched for his lighter. He felt something hot slide down his chin and he reached up to wipe it away, not having to look at his hand to know it was blood.

"Did I make ya bleed, bb?" Axel tsked, looking severely disappointed with himself. "I'm sorry.. I can kiss it better if you like." Roxas shoved himself into the passenger seat and didn't respond, keeping his palm pressed against his swollen lip as Axel got into the car as well. Once the keys were safely in the ignition, the car lurched forward and caused Roxas to be pushed back into his seat. Axel hummed lightly as he reached out to turn up the volume before he took a sharp u-turn, seeming not to notice Roxas as he was jerked against his seat belt.

They drove for a time in some sort of silence, Axel humming and singing on and off to the songs that spewed fourth out of the speakers. Roxas ran his teeth over his wounded lip gently as he gazed out of his window at the passing cars and houses, feeling butterflies begin to rise and fill his stomach. Their wings beat gently in time with his heart as his eyes widened with surprise. A small house placed on a neatly trimmed lawn and wedged between two other identical houses had caught his interest. He stared at the driveway for a moment before looking away, brows drawing together heavily.

He seethed silently, glaring down at his lap, as Axel snickered and asked, "Was your mama not home again, Roxy?" the boy didn't respond, only gritted his teeth. His _mother._ He once had love and respect for the woman but all of that was lost the day she agreed to let him live with the monster. Axel had come over that day, unannounced. There was a light knock on the door and Roxas had remembered glancing up haphazardly from the t.v., looking thoroughly worn out, before pushing himself off the couch and slowly walking to the door. His mother was in the kitchen, cooking something that smelled utterly delicious, and he could hear her sweet, gentle humming over the soft noise of the t.v. As he reached the door, he pulled it open with what he hoped passed as a warm and welcoming smile but it fell as soon as he saw who was on his door step.

_"Heya baby," _he stooped down to kiss Roxas but he ducked away with a small scowl.

_"What are you doing here?"_ he hissed, panic rising in his throat and causing him to squeak.

_"We talked about this, remember?"_ Axel raised his brows before his gaze shifted to something behind Roxas and flashed the most charming smile Roxas had even seen the man give before.

_"Roxas, honey, who is this?"_ his mothers warm voice made his heart sink low into his stomach and he slowly turned around to face her.

_"This is.. Axel… he graduated from my school last year…" _he said slowly as Axel allowed himself in, brandishing a beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers. Roxas watched quietly as his mother cooed with delight and took the flowers as they were offered to her. She smiled brightly up to the man and Roxas could all ready see the approval in her eyes.

_"Here you are, ma'am," _he smiled. _"I hope it's not too much."_

_"Not at all," _his mother replied cheerfully. _"We were just getting ready to sit down for dinner? Would you like to join us?" _inwardly, Roxas had cursed his mother. This was the perfect opportunity for Axel to spring his horrible idea onto her. Roxas held back a shudder at the thought of it and prayed silently that she would not accept Axel's idea.

_"If it's not too much trouble…"_ Axel replied with a genuine smile.

_"No, it's no trouble!" _his mother insisted. _"Come on into the dining room!" _she started off back into the kitchen, leaving Axel and Roxas alone. Axel turned to face Roxas, eyes sparkling dangerously as he loomed over the smaller boy.

_"You fuck this up and I'll make your life a living hell,"_ he whispered, voice full of dark promises he intended to keep. _"Don't think I won't"_ Axel all ready knew Roxas would say nothing to his mother and Roxas knew this too. He was afraid of what would happen to them, what Axel would do, and he was ashamed of the very idea of allowing his mother to know what was happening between the two. Roxas nodded meekly and made his way into the dining room, where he took a seat at the round table just as his mother was setting out the food. Axel took a seat across from him, all smiles once more.

_"Well, Axel, what brought you down here?"_ his mother sat down in her own chair as the boys began to fill their plates. As Axel was scooping a healthy portion of mashed potatoes onto his plate, he smiled coyly to the woman. Roxas took a long drink of his water, feeling too queasy to eat, though he had still filled his plate.

_"Well… Roxas and I were talking the other day about how lonely he gets when he's here on his own…" _he began slowly and carefully, his voice full of warmth and charm. _"He asked me if he could live with me but was too afraid to ask you on his own.. So he asked me over here today to help him. I don't mind at all, I thought it would be good for him, yanno?"_ he waited, watching her carefully, as did Roxas. Finally, she turned to Roxas, blinking.

_"Is this true, Roxas?"_ worried lines began to appear around her still smiling mouth. Roxas would have shot a glance at Axel if his mother hadn't been studying him intently. After a moments hesitation, he nodded slowly.

_"..I.. um.. I just get so lonely, you know? Hayner and Pence can only do so much to keep me company.. And he, um, since he's.. well… all ready graduated and stuff, he can help me with my homework… you know? And he has a good job, so he'll be able to feed us, and… he's not a bad guy, mom." _just as Axel had told him to say. He felt disgusting for lying to his mother, for telling her that Axel "was not a bad guy" when indeed he quite was. He picked at his food quietly after his mother gave a quiet "hm" and took a sip of her tea. He vainly wished, over and over, that she would tell Axel that she would not allow Roxas to move in but, after a long silence, she cleared her throat.

Both boys looked as her as she said slowly, _"Well.. I certainly don't want you to leave honey…"_ his heart swelled happily at her words but just as soon popped at her next sentence, _"but if it's what you want. I think, since I'm barely ever home, that it might be good for you to live with someone for a while. Until everything calms down, of course. You're old enough to make your own decision." _Roxas nodded numbly, his eyes flickering over to Axel, who was smiling triumphantly. His eyes sparkled with a sick joy and Roxas felt bile rise up in the back of his throat. What had his mother done..?

--

Roxas was glad to escape into school once again, all though he hated it almost as much as he hated being with Axel. Still, it was an improvement and it got him away from the horrible, disgusting man for almost eight hours a day. Unless, of course, he came to pick him up early.. He was lucky that Axel hadn't taken him out of school but, then again, Roxas's mother would surely have been notified if he dropped out. Or perhaps she wouldn't.. She should have been notified about all the days he had missed and if she was, she hadn't let them know.

Perhaps she was oblivious to everything just as his peers were.

He held back a sigh as he sidled into his classroom just before the bell rang, quickly ducking back to his seat and ignoring the few stares he received. His cheeks had bruised from where Axel had held him and his lip, no longer swollen, was still, however, cut. He looked weary, as he did every other day, but the bags under his eyes were darker. Apparently, Axel hadn't planned to stop what he did in the field. When they got home, Roxas was forced into a shower to clean himself where Axel had met him, laughing.

He was sore, nothing new there, and he felt stiff joints pop in protest as he sat down. He crossed his arms over his desk loosely, letting his head sink down onto them. The teacher had began her lessen, droning on in a quiet voice that had always made Roxas tired, even before, when he still lived with his mother. He allowed a wistful smile to flit across his lips as her familiar face swam before his lidded eyes and he felt a strange yearning tug at his heart.

How he missed her… He knew he could not hate her as much as he felt he did. She was his mother. She had given birth to him, had nurtured and raised him. It was not her fault that all of this had happened. It was his. He could only blame himself. At any time, he could have told her or gone to the police to report what was being done to him but he could never bring himself to do it. He was afraid of what they would think, what she would think. A boy being raped? He should be able to protect himself, to not buckle down and allow himself to be violated in such a way.

A swell of self-loathing washed over him and he gripped his arms tightly, gritting his teeth together.

_Yes,_ he spat darkly, _this is all your fault, you stupid fuck. You should have gone to the police. Why _are_ you sticking around? _again this question. Again he seethed.

How could he get out of it now? Axel would not let him leave. Not so easily... He never considered the future, he was to afraid of the things that would come to mind. Would he ever get out of that house? Away from the sadistic fiend's clutches? Or would he be forced to stay there until Axel grew tired of him and decided to throw him away. What would happen to him if Axel killed him..?

Questions swam in his brain, ones that he thought of often, ones that he didn't, and he felt himself growing sick.

_Kill yourself_.

The thought was startling. It was a new one. This was an alternative he had never considered before in his life. Suicide, he was always told, was for losers. It was for people who gave up to easily and were running away from their problems for good. He wondered, for a moment, who would care if he died. Who would miss him? Almost immediately, his mind answered.

_No one would miss you. Look around. You don't have any friends._

He stopped himself from shaking his head. It was true.. He knew it.. But killing himself? The idea never appeased him but now, as he was thinking of it, it seemed all to pleasing. He would not have to live with the ridicules if he told anyone, he would not have to deal with any more stares or whispers. He would not have to deal with the shame and guilt. He would not have to deal with the pain. His body jerked and his mouth began to water.

This was what he wanted. He would do it quickly, as soon as he got home. Axel was working today and wouldn't be due back until thirty minutes after he arrived home. He planned it quietly, retracing and reworking, until he felt it was perfect.

Axel had stashed a gun in his top drawer, where his boxers and unmentionables were as well, just incase anyone had ever decided to break in. Roxas had glimpsed of it only once when Axel shoved it into his mouth and threatened to pull the trigger if Roxas ever spoke of going to the police again. He swallowed as the familiar taste of the cool metal stained his mouth. Once he had the gun, he would call the police and tell them of what he was doing and of what was done to him. He would then lock the front door and lock himself in the bathroom. And then… bang.

He held back a shiver. A part of him was against it but most of him felt the idea was utterly compelling.

Just as he began to rethink his plan, his name was being called by his teacher. With a blank look, he lifted his head and gazed at her then looked at the white slip of paper in her hand. He rose from his chair, ignoring the curious looks his peers shot him, and nervously made his way to her.

"They want you in the counselors office, Roxas," she said gently as he plucked the piece of paper from her hand before darting out the door. He stared down at the paper as it confirmed what his teacher had said than quickly headed for the counselors office. His eyes widened with fear as he saw a woman in a crisp suit and two police standing beside her, chatting quietly with the guidance counselor. He stopped dead in his tracks as he felt his stomach churn and his heart beat rapidly against his aching ribs.

He did not go unnoticed. The counselor glanced at him before smiling and the woman in the suit followed his gaze.

"Roxas?" the woman asked as she headed towards him. He tried to quell the shaking that was beginning to rack his thin form but he couldn't. "I'm Ms. Devereux of Department of Family Services. Could you come with me please?" his legs felt as if they were made of lead and jelly at the same time. His nodded slowly and followed her into the counselor's office, where they had given her a designated office of her own. She shut the door behind them and smiled comfortingly, gesturing for him to sit. He stared at the chair for a long moment before slowly moving towards it and perching precariously on the edge. She sat across from him behind the mahogany desk that had a "Mr. Partney" name plate.

"Well, we've been getting many calls about you," she smiled gently and he felt his heart pound even harder. "It seems many people care about you… We've had reports of bruises and markings on your skin, accusations of abuse…" she trailed off, allowing the unspoken words to pass between them in silence. He swallowed and continued to stare at her, eyes wide. Here was his chance. Here it was. The sensible side of him, the one that was against his idea of suicide, was screaming at him to speak. To talk. The other side of him, the one that had been tainted by Axel, was telling him to keep his mouth shut. No one would ever believe him. And if they did, then everything that had happened to him would be spread about nationally.

He would be known as the little "fuck-monkey who had stayed with the man who raped him."

There was a long silence, in which Ms. Devereux waited patiently, her hands clasped loosely atop of the desk. Finally, when Roxas did not speak, she said, "I'm not here to hurt you. Neither are those men out there. We're just here to help you, Roxas.. Please let us help you." she give him another smile and he felt tears sting at his eyes.

_Come on, coward, _his brain urged, _tell her._

He drew in a deep breath and, after nearly three long months of silence, he finally spoke. His voice was terribly quiet and scratchy, it felt alien in his ears.. He felt as if she would not hear him but it was as if his words were spoken loud and clear.

"I'm Roxas Hikari…" he began slowly. "I am… um…I'm currently l-living with Axel.. J-Johnson… who… has been raping and molesting me…"


End file.
